The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
