i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
