i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
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