I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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