OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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