There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
