I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
