I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
