The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
