when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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