you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize