I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My vagina just recognized that song.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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