I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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