Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
