I'm sorry my penis didn't work
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
