I just pynch a tree in the face
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
