I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
