Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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