I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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