Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
