I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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