Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
