You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
