I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
