I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
