She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
