I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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