for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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