im about as happy as oj after his trial
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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