Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
