Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
