Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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