Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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