My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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