My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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