do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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