her vagine was all disorganized.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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