I can text with my tongue
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
