You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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