Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
