get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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