dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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