Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
