you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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