I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
