Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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