Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
