it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
