is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
