Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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