i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
ttyl tear gas
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
