Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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