you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
