i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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