We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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