Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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