you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
