I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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