How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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