....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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