Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize