I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
