i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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