How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
