I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
